The truth is I never fit in. Truth. I was never meant to be one of the crowd. The normal people. It turns out. I’m different. I mean very different. When I was younger I made no sense, had severe anxiety and was just plain odd. I had learning disabilities and my family wasn’t rich like the other families we grew up with. We lived in the valley which isn’t where poor people live, but it’s not Beverly Hills by any means. Going to Beverly Hills Schools from age 6 to 18 was not easy. I had to compete with the elite class. The girls that were in all honors classes and played club soccer, when I could barely pass my classes and was a terrible soccer player. I just didn’t fit in. I remember the girls being able to afford all the newest gizmos and gadgets when I was last in line to afford the stuff. The other girls were skinny and had exciting lunch boxes. I had diet meals because I was fat. I was invited to the other classmates birthday parties but I just never really fit in. I stood out like a sore thumb. Life was really hard growing up. I wasn’t until High School where I made friends and has a friendship group, but I wasn’t by any means popular. I didn’t have a boyfriend, I don’t even think the class knew who I was. I wasn’t unattractive just very strange and people knew it. I kept to myself because I was afraid of people hearing me and how sad I was. I was a loner. I had friends, but quintessentially I was a loner, weird, sad. I didn’t drink or do drugs. I wasn’t an honors student, I wasn’t on varsity sports. I tried so hard to lose weight and be thin. I was terribly insecure. I was insecure with who my friends were and tried to bolster my self up to look cool. It wasn’t until college where I shined. People actually liked me. I was considered cool by some people, but it still wasn’t right. I remember losing my virginity when I was like almost 22 thinking this isn’t me. I’m not a drinker, partier, sex person. I swear in my last life I was a Christian. I’m an old soul. I was trying so hard to conform to society when really I just wanted to be religious. I wasn’t good at school except I loved art. Being an art major was really fun. I didn’t go to a great school and I felt left out of the, “I transferred to UCLA after SMC club.” I mean I barely got by in life. I was very lucky to go to SDSU which was a great experience, it only took my 6 years to graduate in total. I’m just a lost person trying to find their way. Life has been a struggle. I know people suffer in much worse ways but I really do suffer on a more emotional level. Well that’s it for this post.