This is an interesting question. I had a spiritual awakening in 2014. At the time I just moved home from college and moved back with my family. I was going through a really hard time. I mean really hard time. I was figuring out who I was and what I wanted to do with my life. I felt trapped.
I was working at an Internship in Los Angeles and was brutally miserable. I was working under this lead UX designer who was actually very lovely, but I had no idea what I was doing and I was suffering. Really suffering. I was overwhelmed and looking for answers. I signed up for The Institute for Transformation Nutrition which was literally an answer to my prayers on how to live a better life and go after what I want.
In the meantime I was look for work outside the internSHIP that was sinking. I found a job working in Manhattan Beach and ended up working for another lady that made me crazy. She was such a controlling tyrant and I realized that I kept attracting these people into my life. Really controlling and abusive people and I realized throughout my spiritual awakening is that we attract people into our lives that are similar to the people that raised us and had the most impact on us as children. I was devastated. I just go job to job trying to find the light hoping I won’t find someone abusive. Someone that doesn’t make me feel like a tiny pebble on the beach. Someone that gets me and my story.
Anyways I think when it comes to figuring out your family dynamic and learning to live with it it’s really hard. They are pretty just a reflection of you and all you unresolved issues. The fact you haven’t gone within and cleaned up the old trauma that lingers deep down inside of you. The unforgiveness that stays put because you haven’t radically accepted the fact that your family is who they are and they are very much a part of you. This is really hard. I’m in a recovery treatment program right now learning to de-program and re-program myself and it’s so interesting hearing people’s stories about themselves and their stories on how they got here.
How did we get here? What happened along the way? We got lost and stuck and end up blaming our parents for our own issues. Maybe they created us, but we have to take responsibility and fix it. We have to put in the hard work to make life better. This is a lot, especially if your someone that is just covered in layers of trauma, guilt, pain, personality disorders, anxiety, depression and especially unforgiveness. It can be a lot. But I think hope and faith keeps me going. There have been people in my life that wanted to help me, realizing things can get better. They have been their for me and I am eternally grateful. I think it’s a matter of realizing this and remembering it. Anyways I hope this helps you have some perspective. I think it’s totally ok not to like your family, but just remember it could just be a mirror of you.