I probably spent roughly close to about $30,000 on coaching. I started when I was about 18 years old. I didn’t want to be on anti-depressants anymore so I thought I would try a coaching programing. This only lead to more and more coaching programs each costing about anywhere from $3,000 to $6,000. I realized it was me that didn’t want to change. These coaching programs tell you how to run your own business, have the relationship of your dreams and nothing worked for me because I was afraid of change. People don’t change. They say they do, but they end up somewhere close to where they started. Look at all those self-help books which I probably spent thousands on as well. They don’t lead you anywhere. It’s a very small percentage of people that actually want to get up and make a difference. I wanted the work to be done for me. I was looking for someone to save me, which lead me to believing in Jesus Christ. It wasn’t until I had my spiritual awakening in 2014 where things really changed. My consciousness changed. I was seeing things really differently. When you have a spiritual awakening it will change you completely. I mean your whole world falls apart. You lose friends, change jobs, end up in the ER, put on medications because the anxiety and depression is so unbearable. I thought I was going to move away and have a completely different life. I thought I was going to be Orthodox. I thought I would probably be married by now or at least met my twin flame, but nothing has changed because I haven’t changed. I don’t put myself out there because I’m afraid of taking risks and putting myself out there. The fear of change is too hard. I stick with what I know. I’ve had so many different jobs since graduating college and that was four years ago. I’m currently living with my parents on three different medications and having intense spiritual awakening symptoms. Life is tough. But everyday I hope something bigger and better will come. But sadly nothing. I wish I could just reinvent myself. Rekindle old relationships with my past friendships. Start dating. Or I don’t know something fulfilling. I wish I didn’t have to loathe getting out of bed everyday and find something meaningful and worthwhile. I hope things get better. Until next time.