I’ve had anxiety and depression my whole life. It wasn’t until I was about 18 when everything totally erupted. I was put on medication some sort of anti-depressant. I felt great immediately, but then I stopped taking it. I’ve been on again off again from medication. The meds stopped working this last time I took it. It’s helps somewhat, but I don’t feel that happiness I used to feel the first two time I took it. I realize now that it’s my fault. I ruined my life. You see when I was in High School and College I was a part of something. I had friends and a life. Ever since I moved home life has escaped me. I have no direction, no purpose. I just meander from Jewish event to Jewish event thinking is this all there is. There has got to be more. I just don’t feel fulfilled to a higher calling or purpose. I used to believe I was going to be an Orthodox Jew, but to be honest I don’t really have a sexual identity meaning I don’t even think I’m attracted to men or women or both. Who knows. It’s very confusing. I’m a borderline narcissist with Aspergers with terrible anxiety and depression and even had a psychotic episode. I’m lucky I have a very loving family and money in my bank account, food and shelter; however I still don’t feel like life has any meaning. I’ve left all my old friends behind which I regret dearly and I’m too afraid to turn things around. It’s really a conundrum. I don’t know what to do. Should I go back to me old life or change my life?